i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
