so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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