She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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