I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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