So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
