M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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