I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
