cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
