Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize