My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
