his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
