dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize