dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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