I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize