new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
