community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
