So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
