I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
