she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
