Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
