I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
