He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
