I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
