I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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