you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize