I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
