Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
