sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I believe in your delicious
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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