Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
