The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bring me that man meat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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