She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
