Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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