Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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