i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
