Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
