She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
