battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
