i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
