Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
