Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
