My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
