My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
