I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
