Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my liver is dry heaving
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
