Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
