Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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