Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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