We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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