Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
