so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
