We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
