i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
