Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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