Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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