I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am one with the molecules
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
