i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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