Got a toothbrush?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
did you just send me my own nude
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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