did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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