wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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