if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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