Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
