Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
