He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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