Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
