I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
