I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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