Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
