I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
